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(A Review of Two Books Every Family Should Read!)

Childhood Connections

Recently I shared the story of a lady who lived in the Orient for a time and noticed that children were frequently familiarized with math and science symbols and ideas the way most young people in Europe and North America receive a lot of ambient support for reading and writing. She noted that this surprised her at first, but over time she realized that such attention to math and science during the formative years can greatly help young people grasp and then master these subjects.

The last two weeks I’ve had the joy of reading a couple of books that can help our children do the same thing—connect with math in ways that are natural for young children, and a lot of fun for the parents as well as the kids. The first book is Math & Magic in Wonderland by Lilac Mohr, and the second is its sequel, Math & Magic in Camelot.

Getting Your Own Education

In fact, the author set out specifically to write novels that incorporate math in a way the really engages children. During the second grade, she got excited about reading the biography of her hero at the time, astronomer Maria Mitchell, and as a result wanted more than anything to learn long division. When she told her teacher, the response wasn’t what she expected. She was informed that she’d have to “wait until the fourth grade,” and instructed to be quiet during “reading time.” It reminds me of a story my wife Rachel shares of telling a teacher she wanted to read The House of Seven Gables only to be lectured that she wouldn’t understand it and should stick to the textbooks.

There are a lot of great teachers in the world, but some teachers can be downright dense. When a child is excited to learn, that’s the time great teachers sit forward and go to work. Quality education inhabits such moments. It’s what Connor Boyack calls Passion-Driven Education.

Even though Lilac’s teacher missed a great opportunity, the little girl didn’t just give up her excitement for math. She writes: “I felt dejected but not defeated and decided that if my teacher refused to teach me long division, I would have to simply teach myself. It was not easy (since I didn’t even know multiplication at the time), but with determination, I pressed through and mastered the skill on my own.”

Love of Learning for Everyone

This little story illustrates much of what is wrong with modern many educational institutions—they too often put schooling ahead of learning. Mohr continues: “Now, years later, I still recall my teacher’s rejection as the moment I realized that curiosity should not have age restrictions. I wrote this book [Math & Magic in Wonderland] with the intention of making the magic of math accessible to everyone regardless of age, gender, or background. All you have to bring on this journey is a love of learning.”

Guess what? She did it. Both of these books are engaging, fun, and chock full of math. They also throw in a lot of history, poetry, science and literature connections as well. Read them with your kids, and everyone will have a great time. These are excellent for family reading aloud, and stopping to discuss fun ideas.

One thing, though. With these books you’ll definitely want to read with pen in hand. In fact, you’ll want paper and pens for everyone who reads with you. Read aloud, and stop to play with the math ideas on paper as you go. The whole family will love it.


[Note: If your child is a teen, try the same thing with The Rithmatist by Brandon Sanderson, then A Beginner’s Guide to Constructing the Universe by Michael Schneider. Still, have your teens read the two Math & Magic books on their own and discuss them with you. They’ll make reading Rithmatist and Beginner’s Guide even more effective.]

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(A Review of an Excellent New Math Book that Every Family Should Read!)

By Oliver DeMille

A Start and A Stop

A while back I read an article written by a woman whose family moved from the United States to spend some time in the Orient. I forget which country they were in, but the woman was amazed at how much time and effort the people there spent on math. She compared it to the way our American culture focuses on reading for toddlers, children and young people.

For example, she noted how often Americans hear that they should read aloud to their kids, or help them with their reading. “Can you read yet?” is a frequent question for children, and parents discuss how to help kids learn to read. In the country this family moved to, she saw none of that. Instead, people were constantly talking about how to help children with their math.

When books were gifted on birthdays or other holidays, they weren’t children readers (like Dr. Seuss or Are You My Mother?), but beginning math readers—teaching numbers and early arithmetic, with fun pictures and stories. Mothers at the playground sat on benches and talked about how their kids were learning to count, multiply, and calculate—rather than read.

The mother concluded that it was a very different experience than what she was accustomed to, but she wondered why more cultures don’t combine these two—reading and math, instead of just one or the other. Reading child-level math books and stories aloud as bedtime stories, she recommended, just makes sense. And talking about numbers, not just the alphabet—well, why not?

I agreed with her article, and I shared it with a lot of people. Then I did what most of us do: I forgot about it and went back to old habits.

Until now.

A New Approach

It all changed when Rachel got an email from Shelley Nash, a long-time TJEder, who recommended a math book titled Avoid Hard Work!…And Other Encouraging Problem-Solving Tips for the Young, the Very Young, and the Young at Heart, written by Yelena McManaman, James Tanton and Maria Droujkova.

Rachel asked me to read it and tell her what I think. I did, and I was floored. This book is exactly what that article I once read was talking about. Avoid Hard Work is the perfect way to make math a part of every child’s daily life. It’s excellent. And it makes it easy to bring math culture into your home in a way that pretty much every kid will enjoy.

After I got really excited by the book, I went back and reread it—this time more carefully, considering each detail. When I gushed to Rachel about how great this book is and how every family should have it, she told me: “Go write about it.”

So here we are.

First off, I have to say that I don’t much like the title. I think “avoiding hard work” isn’t really the best way to inspire great education. But I do get that for a lot of people, this is the perfect title for a math book. Too much of math is presented as boring, rote, irrelevant to everyday life. Math is an art, and a joy, for those who learn it the right way. So, yes, in our current world, this title makes sense. Plus, I’m sure it will be intriguing to people—including children and teens—who think they don’t like math.

Overall, this book is a fabulous read—for parents, and especially to be read and talked about with the kids. If you have a youth who doesn’t like math, or is scared of it, or bored by it, this book is an excellent jump-start. And for those who love math, it will increase the fun. That’s the thing I noticed most about this book: it makes math fun. It really does.

Right = Right

If you come across things you don’t quite agree with, skip them. Or discuss them as a family or class. Just like with any other classic you read. But put this book at the top of the list for math classics that will help young people—and their parents—really get excited about math.

But enough of my commentary. I want to share some quotes directly from the book, so you’ll see just why I like it so much. Here goes:

1-“Do the improv exercise called YES, and…put up the giant YES on the table or the wall to remind you. Whatever it is the child says or does, (1) say yes to it (2) accept that it means something (3) brainstorm what you can add to the meaning. Maybe your child’s claim that 2+2 = 1 is an analogy, or a math joke, or a novel way to count. Exploring jokes, analogies, or funky counting will be more fun and will teach more math than the simple-minded, generic claim, ‘You are wrong.’”

I love this advice. It’s so TJEd, so “Inspire, not Require.” This is real mentoring, not rote lecture. To repeat: When the child gives an answer to a math question, don’t just say “right” or “wrong.” Say, “That’s right…” or “That’s right if…” Then use their answer to explain the situation.

This is a whole different way of thinking about math, and about mentoring. And it works. It’s the discussion model. Not the lecture model. It’s all about learning, not schooling. And that makes a huge difference. This is leadership thinking, not rote.

2-“Also, be prepared to change topics completely! Don’t force a problem or an activity if the mood of the room, the ‘feeling in the air,’ just isn’t right. Always keep a few extra activities ready, in case the original plan does not work. And make it clear, in a fun way, that you are changing topics, so that children learn this technique from you. You can always return to the original challenge at another time.”

Again, this is “inspire, not require.” It’s mentoring, not mere rote-lecturing-and-testing. Help the student get there by making it fun and exciting. This book is full of examples of how to do this.


A: Let the child do the teaching, so you are surprised and excited by the unexpected. Suggest they re-design math problems and teach them to you or other children or adults. Record their lessons and play them back to the child. Or take pictures of your children teaching and show them the pictures. Seek exciting math media, such as stories, videos, posters, or art….

“Read other people’s math stories, such as Alice in Wonderland or The Cat in Numberland. Invite children to create their own stories about math…in words, or in pictures, or by pretend-play with action figures and toy animals. Children often like to be heroes in the stories…. Only put math into stories with good reasons intrinsic to your story’s world. A hero may count friends and enemies, or prepare enough supplies for a quest. No hero ever wonders, out of the blue, what you get if you add two horses and three horses….

“Recount your personal stories too. What was the first mathematical activity you ever remember doing? Did you know it was mathematics at the time? Ask your friends and colleagues about their first encounters—before schooling!—with mathematics. People often have delightful first stories….

“Make it social. For a child, working one-on-one with an adult can be intimidating, but when kids talk about a problem with friends, they may become more confident. Also, encourage children to make up their own puzzles and problems and pose them for adults and other children to solve. This maker stance produces confidence….

“Problem-solving is like research or exploration: there are a lot of blind valleys! Make sure being stuck, trying wrong methods, and making mistakes is the norm in your daily math life…. But it’s okay to try and try again.”

Like I said, this book is fun. It gives advice like this, and then it shows you examples of how to do these things.

4-Once again: “Validate any mathematical comment, even if it looks wildly ‘incorrect.’ At the very least, say: ‘Oh, what an interesting idea! That makes me think that maybe if we tried…’ This way you give a nudge to the conversation, and also illustrate how all ideas, even wild ones, can inspire new routes of thought.”

This is just scratching the surface of what the book covers. But if you liked these quotes, you’ll love the book. In fact, Avoid Hard Work is even more fun than these quotes because it comes with examples, pictures, stories, and so on.

This is a book for the whole family! Use it to make math more part of your everyday culture. It’s easy, and fun. In fact, I believe it can be a cure to the modern math “blah’s” that infest so much of teaching about math—at school and at home. Give this book a try! It’s a life changer, an easy and truly fun way to bump your math learning to a whole new level.

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canstockphotojapanesemother Sometimes reading a certain article, book, blog, tweet or other idea just … sticks. It resonates. It’s memorable. It makes you think. Or laugh.

Maybe it causes you to frown. Or shake your head in surprise.

For example, I recently read an article published in a national magazine that keeps coming back to me in my daily thoughts. More specifically, a few of the quotes really stood out. Here they are (along with my thoughts—pro and con—about each):

“28 minutes: The average time first-graders spend
on homework—nearly three times
what education experts recommend.”

(See Erin Zammett Ruddy, “How to Help Kids With Homework,” Parents, September 2016)

Right on! This taps into a major problem we often struggle with in modern education—we frequently give too much homework to Core Phase kids (age 8 and under), while the average high school student studies far less than she should and could.

The fact is, many parents don’t realize that for very young children less homework is often better for their learning.

The second quote, however, is puzzling:

“Despite studies suggesting that homework doesn’t even
benefit grade-schoolers, it’s here to stay.”

My response was: Really? Why? Homework doesn’t benefit them, but let’s make them do it anyway…

Why would we do that?



No answer.

Or: “That’s just the way things are.”


Which brings us to the next quote:

“The purpose of homework is to
help kids become independent learners.”

Now my mind is really churning. On the one hand, as studies show, lots of homework doesn’t really help gradeschool-aged kids, and on the other hand, there are things they could do with their time that would help them—a lot. But we give them homework anyway because we want them to learn to be independent learners?

At first blush this sounds reasonable, but here’s the thing: Most kids were already independent learners before they went to school. They were constantly questioning, exploring, considering, and asking “Why?” “Why?” “Why?” A lot of kids asked “Why?” so frequently that parents got tired of trying to answer and told them to quit asking so many questions.

But once they’ve been inserted into schools, they need some kind of enforced daily activity called homework to make them independent learners once again? “Well, yes…” we’re told.

Clearly something is very wrong with the system itself.

But the best part of the article, at least for me, was this sentence:

“Put your kid in charge.
Homework is as much about learning responsibility
as it is about grasping fractions.”

walter-scott-meme-self-education I agree. The mother who wrote the article gets it. And I think this quote gets to the heart of many modern educational assignments. On the surface, we give such assignments in order to teach fractions, historical dates, punctuation rules, scientific facts, etc., but in reality the bigger goal is often to help young people gain real learning skills—the kind of skills that will help them in real life, and throughout their lives.

This is true of rote learning like “fractions, punctuation rules, etc.” and also of vital skills like learning how to think, working well in teams, communicating effectively and persuasively, taking initiative, taking responsibility, pushing through when things get hard, and so on.

It’s very important to realize that such skills are just as essential as learning the historical dates, mathematical functions, scientific formulas, etc.—or in many cases, even more crucial. In all this, the advice to “Put your kid in charge” is the crux of any great education. Everyone who ever obtained a truly great, high-quality education, at some point took charge of his/her own learning—and really sought after excellence. People who have never done this haven’t yet gained a superb education.

More and Better

Finally, the following quote is one of the most important I’ve ever read. It is true of so many mothers, and though it wasn’t written directly to homeschoolers, I believe it perfectly describes so many of them:

“American mothers blame themselves for
what falls through the cracks—
when they should be basking in their awesomeness.”

(Cara Birnbaum, “Is Work-Life Balance BS?,” Parents, September 2016)

I recommend that you re-read that quote three times! Right now…

It’s true.

And it’s about you.

The things most mothers (and fathers) do right are so much more important than any so-called weaknesses. In fact, one of the most effective and immediate ways to significantly improve your homeschool and overall family/home environment is to simply do even more of what you’re already doing well!


Hopefully this thought will stick in your mind for a long time to come.

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See. Learn.

pick1_math One of the keys to great education is to raise children in a “print-rich environment” (see Maya Thiagarajan, “are asian kids really better at math?” Parents, September 2016), by surrounding them with access to books and examples of parents, siblings and others reading a lot.

Without such immersion to the world of words, it’s more difficult for many children to get excited about learning. Indeed, Montessori taught that such a learning-rich environment is among the very most important facets of promoting quality education.

In Leadership Education/Thomas Jefferson Education (TJEd) we recommend reading to young people from the time they are very small all the way into adulthood. Reading aloud is even more important than having lots of books on hand, since it gets the child actively involved. And both are crucial.

We even recommend that every home set up at least one TJEd Bookshelf, which consists of children’s books and materials on the bottom shelf, teen books on the middle shelves, and more advanced classics on the higher shelves. Children raised near such bookshelves naturally read what they can reach, always looking upward to the next phase—knowing it will someday come, and enthusiastically looking forward to it.

Knowing vs. Doing

Sadly, while many Westerners use books and other printed materials “in all of their decorating,” to quote the Disney movie Beauty and the Beast, a lot of people are less prone to also raise their children in a math-rich environment. That’s too bad, because just like a home where prints of fine art are present on the walls, or where quality music is part of the day-to-day experience, what we focus on tends to grow. Homes where the topics of math and science are introduced only when children formally study them are less helpful in encouraging and supporting math learning.

Consider the following excerpts from an article on math education by best-selling author Maya Thiagarajan:

  • When “we moved to Singapore …. I was struck by how focused parents … were on giving their kids a strong math foundation. It quickly dawned on me that parents in Singapore seemed to be doing for math what American parents do for reading.” (ibid.)
  • They “integrated math into their daily life by talking to their kids about numbers, shapes, and patterns right from the get-go.” (ibid.)
  • “They played math games in the car and at the dinner table.” (ibid.)
  • “They taught their [children] chess and they spent money and time on Lego sets, blocks, tangrams, jigsaw puzzles, origami, and [math-based] board games.” (ibid.)
  • “One mother described how she used the elevator in her apartment building to teach math. ‘Riding an elevator is like riding up and down a number line,’ she said. ‘It’s a great way to get your kids thinking about math.’” (ibid.)
  • “Another mom described how she engaged her pre-school age son in conversations about the math all around him. She introduced him to shapes on the playground. ‘There’s an isosceles triangle!’” (ibid.)
  • “Kids [in Singapore] consider math-related activities to be a normal part of childhood …. Just as good readers are kids who read a lot, good mathematicians are kids who do a lot of math.” (ibid.)

And their parents do a lot of math—which makes all the difference. It’s the key educational principle of “You, Not Them.” Of setting an example. When parents who read a lot tell and show their kids how great reading is, the kids flat out believe them. They’ve already witnessed the proof of it for years. The same is true with parents who make math an open and valued part of daily life.

In fact, math-based games, puzzles, stories, youth-oriented biographies of great mathematicians , manipulatives, and a parent with a pen and paper and even the barest love of some new math idea, can make math extremely fun. For example, the magazine Family Fun dedicated an entire article in its August/September 2016 issue to the benefits of the Rubik’s Cube in teaching mathematical thinking to the rising generation. (Patty Onderko, “Puzzling it Out,” Family Fun, August/September 2016)

Cubes and Sheets

If this seems like a blast from the past, a lot of math does. It’s classic, after all. But it’s still fun. As Patty Onderko put it: The Rubik’s Cube “is an awesome way to practice the logic and problem-solving skills that are crucial to [math and science] education.” (ibid.) It also strengthens the skills of pattern recognition and “if/then” reasoning, both of which are vital to math success. (ibid.)

Put this old-fashioned toy (the Rubik’s Cube) in the hands of today’s young learner, and add in a new-fangled educational revolution called YouTube, and you’ve got something sensational on your hands. (ibid.) “Turns out there are rules for solving the Rubik’s Cube”, Onderko said, “and plenty of online tutorials.” (ibid.)

She continued: One of the “biggest benefits of” the Cube is that “gratification isn’t immediate—kids have to pull from their reserves of persistence, determination, and resilience to be successful.” (ibid.) It’s a natural gateway to working math problems, building spreadsheets, and completing math worksheets and story problems. It even has direct application to learning how to create and understand algorithms, which are key in computer coding. (ibid.) For example, the nation of Estonia has now made learning algorithms and computer coding required subjects in elementary and high school. Other countries are considering the same.

One of the most important things a parent can do to teach mathematical thinking is help young people learn to build and use spreadsheets. This is not only great for problem-solving, reasoning skills, and pattern recognition, it also teaches the learner to use mathematical innovations and ingenuity. Again, any parent (or youth) wanting to master spreadsheets can find numerous online tutorials.

Experiencing Math

Three great books about math to read aloud to children (ages 8-13) include the following, in this recommended order: Archimedes and the Door to Science, The Phantom Tollbooth, and The Rithmatist. Of course, the key is to read these books aloud with the kids, go slowly, and stop to discuss ideas and principles that come up. Parental involvement in this process will drastically increase how much children learn. [click here for math classics for kids! >>]

This one choice (to read these books together aloud and discuss them) will drastically improve the math-richness of your family, home, or classroom environment. For students who are already prolific readers, you can read these same books more quickly and engage in 1-2 hour discussions about what everyone (students and parents) has learned.

In addition, to get some really exciting math quotes, fun stories, and inspiring ideas to share with your kids, read the following book on your own: A Beginner’s Guide to Constructing the Universe. (Two TJEd audios are available that discuss this book in even more detail, and they are really fun and will take your reading to an even higher level). Take good notes as you’re reading, and this book will provide lots of material for creating a math-rich environment in your home.

(If you already have a strong math background, read A Beginner’s Guide to Constructing the Universe and Roger Penrose’s The Road to Reality—both will help you map your advanced knowledge to more fun and effective math activities with your kids. Then read Capra’s Tao of Physics.)

The truth is that parents who help children and teens experience math principles, words, phrases, ideas, shapes and stories as part of everyday life are creating a math-rich environment for their kids. This will make a huge difference for them when it comes time to engage math textbooks, problems, proofs, etc. And it is a fun process for both kids and parents along the way. Really fun!

Do try this at home.

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Living Inspiration

great education is inspired education The word “inspire” is one of the most powerful in the English language. It contemplates major improvement, massive personal change, and real societal progress—because when a person is inspired, he does things at a whole new level, frequently in entirely new ways. If not, he’s not actually inspired.

One of the great core principles of learning is that inspiration is central. When a person—of any age—is truly inspired, in the flow, deeply connected with the universal, truly “in the groove,” so to speak, learning always brings depth, wisdom, punctuated leaps, and even profound epiphanies.

Without this essential part of education, less learning occurs. Indeed, parents, teachers and other mentors and leaders who effectively inspire those they serve are the most important catalysts of great, quality learning. Nothing can take the place of inspiration in education.

With that said, inspiration in learning isn’t just lofty, stirring, or memorable. It doesn’t only bring shouts of “Eureka!” It is also incredibly basic. Foundational. Fundamental.

Specifically: The root of the word “inspire” is the Latin spirare, which means, simply, “to breathe”. (See Klaus Schwab, The Fourth Industrial Revolution, 2016, 109) This is incredibly profound. The opposite of inspire is “expire”, a synonym for death. Thus to be inspired is to be truly alive. To be breathing.

An old ad for a respiratory therapy stated: “When you can’t breathe…nothing else matters.”

Words to deeply ponder.

Freeing Inspiration

The root meaning of “inspire” applies to education in a direct and breathtaking way. How often does the system modern society uses to deliver schooling actually lead to the opposite of inspiration? For example, many people describe graduating from high school as “being free—finally being able to breathe, not being stifled anymore.”

Put another way: Is the way your child or youth experiences education at all stifling? Or suffocating? Many young people feel this way. More to the point: Is there anything you can do about your child’s/teen’s education that will make her smile, sit back, and breathe more deeply?

Does she need a change from the way she’s been experiencing education? If so, inspiration (real breathing) is lacking. In the martial arts and the healing arts (meditation, Yoga, Tai Chi, etc.,) the focus is frequently on learning to breathe more consciously, more deeply, more often, and with more purpose – to take in the essential, life-giving force that sustains, motivates and empowers us. This is, literally, what inspiring means.

When you as a parent or mentor inspire those you teach and serve, you improve their educational breathing—their connection to truth, goodness, personal purpose, and love of the things that matter most. If this isn’t a central part of their learning, their education will suffer. They need to breathe…

They need to be inspired.

Breathing Inspiration

Indeed, this is one of the most important reasons that TJEd and indeed all quality education often emphasizes inspiring over requiring. Requirements that cause constriction, tightening, narrowing, and shrinking of the student’s educational breath also trigger constriction, tightening, and shrinking of great learning. They smother the best things about truly quality education.

This doesn’t mean that learning shouldn’t sometimes be challenging, difficult, even arduous, but rather that such challenges should occur at the right times (less than our current modern educational system demands in Core and Love of Learning, and much more than the modern norm in Scholar and Depth Phases) and in the right ways (with mentors who set the right example and infuse the whole experience with meaning, relevance and purpose.)

After all, running hard—with proper training, rest, and repetition—gets the body in shape, while an out-of-shape body is often out of breath. The right educational exertion, done the right way, improves the mind as well. One way to clearly know if it is being done the right way is if the student is increasingly happy—deeply breathing in the joy of increased knowledge, wisdom, skill and learning just for the love of it.

If this bright, cheery attitude is lacking, breath (inspiration) is too thin. It needs to be boosted—immediately and consistently.

On an even more basic level, students who take a good, deep breath before they read, study, and learn, and breathe well throughout, learn more effectively. Thinking burns up a lot of oxygen. This applies in test-taking as well: Breathing properly and amply during tests is the natural result of consistently breathing well while learning in other ways.


To inspire greatness in learning, teach yourself to notice if a student’s current projects, assignments, topics, schedule, or other things about his educational experience and habits are more stifling or liberating. Do they quicken the breath with tension and anxiety, or with anticipation and excitement? Do they cause smiles (naturally lifting the diaphragm), or frowns (weighting down and slowing the diaphragm)?

Over the years as we’ve promoted the great importance of inspiration in education, and of parents and teachers becoming truly inspiring with every child, teen and student, a lot of people have asked us how to inspire. We’ve written a lot about it.

But nothing makes it easier than to simply link the word “inspire” and the word “breathing” in your mind.  This is part of Emotional Intelligence, and a great tool for parents, teachers, mentors and leaders. (See Daniel Goleman’s bestselling book Emotional Intelligence)

As a mentor, watch how your student is “breathing.” This will nearly always tell you her level of feeling inspired. If she needs to be more inspired (and who doesn’t? truly!), watch to see how your effort to inspire her influences her breathing. This is a powerful clue about what kind of learning she is experiencing—the kind that stifles her and brings hate of learning, versus the kind that inspires her and catalyzes an even greater love of learning.

Great education, like breathing, brings life, energy, and liveliness—and fuels passion for learning. If learning isn’t inspired, your child/student is slowly dying educationally, and at some point he’ll be gasping for air—or, in this case, gasping for the kind of learning that has real meaning to him. That matters to him. That he can truly care about.

Breathing is life, and in education inspiration is as important as breathing.

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by Oliver DeMille

Like the 3 words on quality education I shared last week, these 5 additional words can be very helpful to parents, teachers, coaches, mentors and others who work with young people. Have fun with them!

I. Protopia

next right thing The process of becoming better as time goes on. This is the opposite of “utopia” (where the ideal or the perfect has supposedly already been reached) and also of “dystopia” (where the supposed “ideal” is decidedly not ideal). “Protopia is a state of becoming, rather than a destination…. The ‘pro’ in protopian stems from the notions of process and progress.” (See Kevin Kelly, The Inevitable, 2016, 13)

The idea of protopia is to focus on today. Make it the best you can. Educationally, this means doing the things today that will help you learn the most effectively. Or, if you are the teacher, parent or mentor, help your student do the same. Forget about yesterday. And don’t waste your learning time planning for tomorrow. Once in a while (weekly works best for most people), sit down and brainstorm ways you can improve your learning—or your student’s learning.

Then, each day, look over your list of ideas, quickly add to them if new ideas or opportunities arise, and decide how to best learn today. Your home, family, learning and life don’t need to be perfect (utopia), and you shouldn’t feel overwhelmed or give up on improvement (dystopia—the disease of frustrated perfectionists). Focus on the now. Today.

How can you (or your students) learn the most, the best ways, today? This is the key.

II. Screening

Screening is the act of learning from the various screens in our lives—smartphones, tablets, smart watches, computers, televisions, electronic billboards, etc. (Ibid., 88-89)

This is actually a warning word. Screening can often distract from experiential learning (really “being present”). It’s one thing to read about Cape Canaveral, or the Jefferson Memorial (apply this to the Parthenon, Pyramids, ocean, etc.), but it’s quite another to be there, to touch the marble, to feel the breeze and look out at the view while the sun beats down and the breeze ruffles your hair. Sometimes learning is much more effective when we are doing something real. Likewise, visiting Valley Forge is great; visiting in the dead of winter is profound. Try walking barefoot for three minutes.

think read 3 As author Kevin Kelly put it: “I am happy to read a digital PDF of a book, but sometimes it is luxurious to have the same words printed on white cottony paper bound in leather. Feels so good. Gamers enjoy fighting with their friends online but often crave playing with them in the same room. People pay thousands of dollars per ticket to attend an event in person that is also streamed live on the net”, often for free. (Ibid., 71)  Sometimes really “being there” makes a big difference.

In the Digital Age, “experiential” also means reading in a book, looking at art in a museum where the pieces are original and you can see the depth and contours of oils on the canvas, or attending a play or concert in person. These days we get so much of our input from screens that these more tactile experiences heighten our learning.

As Kelly wrote:

“Screen culture is a world of constant flux, of endless sound bites, quick cuts, and half-baked ideas. It is a flow of tweets, headlines, instagrams, casual texts, and floating first impressions. We should properly call this new activity ‘screening’ rather than reading. Screening includes reading words, but also watching words and reading images….

“Neurological studies show that learning to read changes the brain’s circuitry. Instead of skipping around distractedly gathering bits, when you read you are transported, focused, and immersed…. One can spend hours on the web and never encounter this…. [Online, a person] gets fragments, threads, glimpses.” (Ibid., 88-91)

This kind of immersion, or flow, that can occur while reading books is an essential part of quality education—and it seldom happens while screening. It happens even less with mobile screens than on a fixed television or computer station.

Of course, screening is also an essential skill in the Information Age. But people who learn to truly read—closely, analytically, creatively—can access this skill when they’re screening. They hardly ever learn it by screening, however.

For example, even with all the increased activity on electronic devices over the past two decades, “The literacy rate in the U.S. has remained unchanged in the last 20 years…” (Ibid., 89) Still, “those who can read are reading and writing more.” (Ibid.) If you have a quality reading education, screening is a powerful tool. If you don’t, it hardly ever gives you the thinking, reasoning, or creative skills that are needed.

“Book reading [strengthens] our analytical skills…. Screening encourages rapid pattern making, associating one idea with another…” (Ibid., 104) Both are needed to deal with the many new ideas expressed so frequently in our modern world, and to simultaneously be able to effectively discern, think about, and see the ramifications of such ideas. Fast is good. But wise is crucial.

Quality learning involves both real-life experiences and also reading and writing (which require real thinking), that are removed from screens. Both reading and screening are important. But without moving well beyond screens and classrooms, education will tend to be fairly shallow, narrow, and limited.

III. Frictionless Entry

Okay, this is a phrase, not a word, but it’s still important. Frictionless Entry is a technology term, and means “the ability of [people online] to quickly and easily join a platform [like Amazon, eBay, Facebook, PayPal, Kayak, etc.] and begin participating…” (Geoffrey G. Parker, et al., Platform Revolution, 2016, 25) If a given platform doesn’t have frictionless entry, this means it is difficult to engage. Football-endzone

Likewise, wise educators and parents make learning to learn, and loving learning, as frictionless as possible. If you want your kids to read the greatest books, for example, have copies of them in your house—on shelves low enough that the kids can reach them easily. If you really want frictionless entry to great learning, go a step further: read from the great books aloud with your kids, starting from a young age.

Use children-friendly classics at first, and other great age-appropriate books, and build up to the heavier classics over time. Also, set an example by personally reading classics a lot—this makes the act seem natural, simple, and easy. All of this increases “frictionless entry” to great learning.

Montessori taught that a key part of helping young people get a quality education is having the right kind of materials close at hand for each child—and also setting a visible example of reading such books (or engaging such activities – be it mathematical learning, historical research, poetry memorization, public speaking, refining a performance art, etc.) routinely. When parents and other adults provide these two powerful things for children and youth, students naturally embrace learning with more gusto. And it usually lasts.

IV. Curation

Another word widely used in the technology world is “curation,” which occurs when the managers of a website or platform set parameters that everyone must follow. (Ibid., 26-27) For example, Facebook doesn’t allow hate speech, and you can’t buy certain items like firearms on eBay. By setting such rules, the designers of a site establish the culture they want in order to accomplish their goals.

learning-garden-meme Parents have great power of curation. They can set a curfew, for example, or keep the gaming equipment locked up except on special occasions, or make it “off limits” except on Saturdays and holidays. Another example of curation would be to hold a quick family meeting at the beginning of each morning and have an inspiring quote or song, a prayer or devotion. Then everyone can engage their projects, learning goals and mentor plans, and meet back at 12, or 3, or whatever, to briefly report on what they’ve worked on, discovered, learned, etc.

This little curation is usually best when kept short. Even five minutes can be great. It sets a powerful tone of learning for the entire day, and children become accustomed to launching right into their learning projects instead of letting distractions, chores, TV, or anything else take over their time.

The act of coming back together to share what’s been learned can be incredibly effective—as long as you keep it brief, fun, and remain mindful of the differing learning and reporting styles of the kids. Having this check-in time can remind the learners why they are doing what they are doing (to learn!), and the simple fact of asking them to summarize their learning later often increases retention. If you find that it’s a stress to one child, rather than a positive motivator, allow him to opt out of giving daily reports—let him just come listen to the others. In such cases, find different curations that are more inspiring for him.

For really great results, take some time brainstorming what kind of curation would help in your home. Don’t announce a bunch of rules at once. Just one or two at a time are usually most effective. Additional curation can be added later. And select curations that fit your family and culture—or what you want it to be—not things you think some expert says “all kids must do.”

Be flexible—if a certain curation doesn’t work, change it. If one turns out to work wonders in your home or school, give it time to really become part of your family or class culture before trying to add more. Giving a little thought to the right curation, and then implementing it, can make a huge educational (and relationship) difference in your home or class.

V. Technium

“The modern system of culture and technology…” (Kelly, 273) This is like “pop culture”, but in the Digital Age our lives are molded as much by social media, smartphones, wearable tech, and soon biotech as by Hollywood, iTunes, or TV. The very fact that we can list iTunes as a “place” to get music, as opposed to Motown (Detroit) or Nashville, illustrates how big Technium has become.

chess-meme Compare how often people now recommend finding something on Amazon versus the old suggestion to search the library, or getting something at the mall versus Googling it. In the 1970s social commentators worried about television and Hollywood culture having more influence on our youth than parental, school or community role models. Today the worry is about what niche they’ll fall into online—the mean girls?, bullying?, a predator?, the fan-group of a certain recording artist or band (which can be good or bad, depending…)?, ISIS? What happens online doesn’t always stay online.

There is, of course, much good online, and quality education usually includes at least some technological skills. Wise parents review their kids’ browsing history, chat groups, social sites, and keep track of their interests and passions. They use curation as needed to create guidelines and rules that keep the technium under control for their kids.

For example, some parents we know have blocked all texting or sending of photographs on their teenagers’ devices. The teen can send a photo on mom’s or dad’s phone if he needs to. And some parents have their teen’s phone (including texting) blocked between 10 p.m. and 10 a.m. Others routinely read all their youth’s texts every Saturday.

This isn’t censorship, it’s parenting. It’s also curation. Teens don’t really need frictionless entry to every screen under the sun, all the time. The technium is real, and it can be a dangerous place.

The technium is also a powerful tool and can be used for much good. People who keep up on the latest technology and culture know what’s happening in the world. It’s easy to waste time on this, but it’s not a waste to stay informed and connected in healthy ways.


Finally, the thing about new words (or reviewing words if you already know them) is that they can help us remember core principles of good education, parenting, etc., and implement them. To improve education, try posting these 5 words, along the 3 we introduced last week, somewhere you’ll see them a lot. Like on your bathroom mirror or the hallway to your family room.



Frictionless Entry






With each new word we learn, our minds are opened to a new body of thought and application. How will these words inform your approach to education in your home, family or classroom?

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The New Purpose

Family-hearth-geoffroy Here are three words that can make a wonderful difference in your family’s education! Please don’t do what many modern Americans do when they’re reading and come across an unknown word and either skip it or stop reading altogether.

Instead, read even more closely to really understand it. Learning new things is key—if not, we’re not really learning!

So really think about how these 3 cool words can help your family! And have fun with them:

  1. Autotelic (Definition: Doing something for the value of doing it, for its own merit, for its own sake. (See Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow, 67-70))

For example, you are making autotelic choices when to take a job because you love it, study a topic because it fascinates you, spend time with someone because you enjoy being with them, or participate  in an activity because it’s fun.

Compare the opposite. Your child is having an exotelic experience (the opposite of autotelic) when he does something for some secondary or third-rate reason: like spending time with a “friend” because he wants to be introduced to the friend’s pretty sister, or reading a book because he wants to get a good grade in a class or doesn’t want to get in trouble with the adults in his life.

In the modern world, the large majority of what passes for “education” isn’t autotelic at all. It is done with an agenda, not for the sake of great learning.

Here’s the principle: For the most part people get a lot more out of autotelic experiences than from any other kind. In the case of children and youth, most of their life should be based around autotelic experiences. They learn better this way, and they’ll be happier through life.

Indeed, children who don’t spend nearly all of their time before age 17 living and learning autotelically are often said to “never have experienced childhood.”

Truly high-quality education is almost always autotelic. Period. This means the most successful life-long students study what they study because they love it—because they love learning. When this is missing, the quality of education drastically decreases.

The New Connection

  1. Eudaimonia (Definition: Connection with your true self, the real you. From Greek roots, meaning “the flourishing, happy, you.” Knowing who you really are, what your life is truly for, and living in harmony with these things each and every day. (See Matthieu Ricard, Happiness, 108))

family As one author put it: “After sorting through piles of data, the researchers have concluded that pursuing happiness can backfire, but pursuing eudaimonia rarely fails. Eudaimonia is the Aristotelian idea of human flourishing, pursuing long-term goals that give meaning to life, rather than short-term happiness that delivers a [fleeting] jolt of dopamine.” (Barbara Bradley Hagerty, Life Re-Imagined, 7)

At first blush, many people jump to the conclusion that only adults are really mature enough to find their eudaimonia. But the facts show the opposite. Most toddlers have it—all the time, all day, every day. They know their purpose—they seek happiness. And they do so autotelically as well.

Few teens have eudaimonia (a clear and passionate purpose in life), except those actively involved in sports, theater, music, or some other driving passion that they chose to pursue. Even fewer people in their middle years have it. Some elderly people get it back. But to have eudaimonia in your middle years, from 20-60, is rare. Still, that’s the goal.

Individuals who know who they are, what their life is for, and that they are fulfilling their life purpose each day are a lot happier than everyone else. (Gallup says that in the U.S. less than 20 percent of adults like their jobs.) Part of educating our children effectively consists of teaching them about this—so they can live happier lives. If they go after a career, instead of a life calling and purpose, they’ll most likely be part of the unhappy 80 percent.

The opposite of eudaimonia is “attachment,” where you have been swayed by other people or other things in life away from your true purpose and connection with your authentic self—and spend much of your life doing things to try to impress others, or because you think they require it of you. Unhealthy attachment thrives on connections to things that aren’t your genuine life calling. (For a lot of people, this includes their career and work life.)

This was the theme of the movie Dead Poet’s Society—deciding whether schooling and work life is more about eudaimonia versus unhealthy (and often forced) attachments. Quality education isn’t “attached” to all the problems in the world. Instead it’s fresh, exciting, and focused on helping each learner be himself/herself. Truly. Fully. Without fear. We don’t approach education this way very often nowadays, but we should.

Fact: “Anti-depressant use among Americans of all ages has increased over 400 percent in the last decade.” (Emma Seppala, 2016, The Happiness Track, 7) For those under 22, the depression is mostly about school; for those over 22, it’s mostly about work. Something needs to change!

We’re a nation tragically disconnected with our true inner dreams (autotelics) and life purposes (eudaimonia). We spend almost all of our time on other people’s priorities for us, and then wonder why we’re not very happy.

The New Calm

  1. Wuwei (Definition: A Chinese word meaning literally “non-action”. A more accurate translation into English is “calmness” as we pursue life. (Ibid., 86-87) )

Emma Seppala notes that wuwei-style expressions “like ‘live in the moment’ and ‘carpe diem’ sound like clichés, yet science backs them up robustly.” (Ibid., 24) For example, research shows that people who learn to focus on doing one thing well right now—instead of constantly multitasking—are happier and more productive in life, relationships, and work. (Ibid.) In fact, studies show that students who do this frequently actually test better than other students. (Ibid., 25)

sara Here are some additional traits exhibited by young people who were raised by a parent or parents who emphasized calmness in learning (rather than being driven in schoolwork):

  • They are better at concentrating.
  • They perform better on tasks that require memory.
  • Over time, they have more charisma.
  • They aren’t “permanently anxious,” like many other young people their age.
  • They are demonstrably more creative than their peers.
  • They exhibit more empathy—the ability to see things from the viewpoint of another person.
  • They are better listeners.
  • They have more self-confidence. (This list from Seppala.)

Seppala shows that modern education often “buries natural creativity.” (Ibid., 102) The way our schools operate focuses on convergent thinking (“getting the ‘right’ answer, learning what to think) and frequently undermines divergent thinking (creativity, and learning how to think).  She wrote:

“George Land, author of Grow or Die, suggests that this kind of training [provided in our schools] dramatically reduces our natural creativity…. He found that between three and five years of age, 98 percent of children ranked as ‘divergent thinking geniuses.’ Between eight and ten years of age [after most of them started school], that number had dropped to 32 percent. Between the ages of fifteen and eighteen, the number had dropped down to 10 percent.

“When Land tested a group of twenty thousand twenty-five-year-olds, he found that only 2 percent could think divergently. Land concludes that while creativity is naturally present at a young age, we unlearn it through our education system.” (Ibid., 103)

Another study, by researcher Dr. Kyung-Hee Kim, found that “since 1990 there has been a steady decline in creativity scores while IQ scores have risen.” (Ibid.) This corresponds with school curriculum changes from a broad learning program to national-test-based areas of rote emphasis. Seppala wrote: “Kim concludes that ‘people in general are becoming less able to think creatively, and they are less tolerant of creativity and creative people.” (Ibid., 103-104)

Seppala concluded that as a society we now seem to have “no time for non-linear thinking,” and that our schooling is now almost entirely focused on the so-called “‘important’ stuff, like the requirements of career…” (Ibid.) Her point is that this is a very bad development.

The New You

All three of these words highlight how much parents need to take a serious look at the education of their children. If we mindlessly stick with a model that ignores our children’s passions, interests, needs and potential, our kids won’t get the kind of education they deserve. They’ll get something much less–something tragically insufficient.

The new economy is focused on innovation, creativity, and ingenuity—while most schools (Kindergarten all the way up through university and graduate studies) are stuck in the 1960s models of rote memorization and multiple-choice national test scores.

That’s sad. Yet too many people are simply afraid to look for and adopt something better. They know the old school model is failing our kids, but they just keep using it anyway.

With that in mind, here’s one more excellent word to chew on:

Resilience: “When you stop being afraid and start being yourself.”
(Victor J. Strecher, Life on Purpose)

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The Shift

cup-battle When American founding father John Adams realized what the split between Britain and the thirteen colonies in America would mean to the world, he exclaimed that humanity had entered “a new epoch!”

Today the same is happening in education.

It’s a new era. Changes in the national and world economy are real. Recent trends prove that the old, rote-based, “memorize, obey, and be on time” approach to education isn’t preparing students for success in the rough-and-tumble new economy of the 21st Century.

Global competition for jobs and contracts is simply too stiff, and a number of nations are far ahead of the U.S. in effectively educating students with the skills that are actually marketable in today’s careers and job market.

American graduates are falling further behind, largely because much of the educational establishment in the United States hasn’t yet responded to the reality that a big change is occurring. They’re still educating with many of the same principles, practices and methods that were used in the 1950s, 1970s, and 1990s.

Some educators “…have recently embraced the idea that character strengths are the key to success in the classroom and beyond—and that these strengths should be taught as skills.” (Paul Tough, “How Kids Really Succeed,” The Atlantic, June 2016) Most schools haven’t made this shift yet, but some are trying.

Strengths and Demands

What are these “character strengths” that bring success in the careers and marketplace of the new global economy? The answer can be summed up as: “resilience, conscientiousness, optimism, self-control, and grit.” (Ibid.) In other words, today’s students need to learn initiative, innovation, ingenuity, tenacity, self-directed progress, and other traditional leadership skills. (See Paradigm Shift: 7 Realities of Success in the New Economy, 2016, pp. 45-96)

The old industrial age lessons of “be on time, learn to do repetitive tasks with a good attitude, find and fit into your ‘place’ in the system” are outdated employee values, and the new economy is demanding a tougher set of skills. (See Alvin Toffler, The Third Wave) The lessons of “grit and resilience” are as important now as “addition and subtraction.” (Op Cit., Tough)

In short, we have a math problem. As the spending years of the Baby Boomer generation wane, the North America economy is naturally entering a new phase. Fewer houses will be needed, fewer products and services will be in demand, and fewer jobs will be available. Corporations are shifting resources to places where increasing populations will require more products, services, and jobs—particularly China, India, and other parts of Asia.

In these regions, higher demand will mean more jobs for decades to come. Such high-growth nations will naturally experience more demand for employees trained in the conveyor belt style. However, in nations where the number of such jobs will decrease for decades ahead, such jobs will be scarce, and easily filled. The growing demand in North America is for leadership-thinking, innovative, entrepreneurial types who know how to successfully start things, build them, and overcome challenges along the way.

Thus most current American education is training young people for jobs and careers that will exist mostly in Asia during their adult working years. Only a few forward-looking schools, teachers and parents are now educating their youth for success in the kind of economy we actually now have—and will increasingly experience—in North America and Europe. Such education is personalized, individualized, and nimbly changes monthly, weekly, or even daily—to meet evolving needs.

What Works Now

In the United States, old-style learning systems like Common Core and standardized multiple-choice testing need to give way to what really works—quality education that builds each child’s innate leadership potential in a personalized and individualized way, under the guidance of a committed mentor. This is the premise of TJEd, Montessori, Charlotte Mason, and of many great parents, teachers, homeschoolers and other educators.

This new approach is also the emerging view of what is needed to prepare young people for success in the 21st Century global economy. Those who stick with the educational systems of the 1950s will continue to fall behind. As L.P. Hartley wrote in 1953: “The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there.” If we want the rising generation to succeed, we need to do things differently in the face of new realities today.

Of course, math and science, language arts, and knowledge of history and social studies are still very important. But the one-size-fits-all conveyor belt approach of teaching these subjects, and the standardized list of what their mastery consists of, are generally failing to bring out the leadership, risk-taking, creativity, tenacity, and innovative skills that are necessary for career success in the new global economy.

Today’s parents need to take this seriously.

(Highly recommended reading: A new 2016 book, Paradigm Shift: 7 Realities of Success in the New Economy, available from the TJEd Bookstore)

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Seasons and Lessons

my-family-coloring-page-2 I recently saw two different ads in the same magazine that immediately made me think of TJEd. More to the point, they made me think of TJEd parents, youth, and kids, and what they are planning for the summer ahead. Here’s what I learned, and what I did about it:

  1. The first ad simply read: “This summer I…”

The rest was left blank. People had to fill in the answer for themselves.

“What a great way to get us thinking,” I thought.

Try it for yourself, and for each of the young people in your home:

  • This is the summer I need to…
  • This is the summer Johnny needs to…
  • This is the summer Mary needs to…

Seriously, try getting out a piece of paper and writing this down. It’s powerful and effective mentoring. [Do check out that link to avoid common pitfalls in “summer assignments!”]

When I applied this to each of our kids who still live at home, the results were spectacular! This will be a very different summer for Meri, Abi, Hyrum, and Ammon—just because I asked this question, found answers, and got the kids engaged in a dialogue about what they feel their summer should be about.

Of course, I didn’t just announce decrees to them. That’s not the TJEd way. Just discussing what I felt when I asked the question, and asking each young person to answer the same question for themselves, has each of them really excited about major summer learning.

Give it a try! It works.

Leaving the Negative

  1. In a second magazine ad I read the following: “It’s time to break up with your belly.” The ad was selling diet drinks that are full of sugar, but the catchy line got me thinking.

Specifically: What is it time for you to “break up with” right now? (You know, that thing that’s holding you back from having the greatest homeschool in the world. That thing that just keeps getting in the way. That thing you know you should have changed a long time ago.)

Likewise: What is it time for your kids to “break up with” right now?

Whatever it is, just asking the question and knowing the answer will make a huge positive difference. Breaking up with things that have outlived their usefulness will make it so much easier for Abi, Meri, and Ammon to do item #1 above!

Warning: This can be sensitive for some people, including children and youth, so proceed prayerfully and positively. I didn’t just inform Ammon that he needs to break up with something. I asked him what he thinks he needs to “break up with” right now—what it’s time to put behind him for a while.

He was very thoughtful about it, and asked if he could get back to me in a few days. I’m excited to hear what he decides.

Upgrading Life

These questions are so simple. Yet they are exactly the kind of mentoring questions that great mentors pose (like the mentor questions in the appendix of The Student Whisperer). Asking and answering them can greatly help make this a much better summer for our kids.

This doesn’t take a lot of work, and it doesn’t cost anything. But simple mentoring questions like these—and a little bit of follow up—can make a huge difference in the lives of those we mentor. It’s often the little things that have the greatest impact, after all.

Try these two simple questions with your kids. Ask them directly:

  • For you, Mary, this is the summer you should…?
  • What is it time for you to “break up with”?

These are really just another way of doing “The 6 Month No” and “The 6 Month Yes” ingredients in our book Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning. But for your kids, these catchy questions will probably seem a lot more fun. They certainly did for our kids.

By doing this (It’s so simple! Just ask each of your kids to answer two simple questions, and then make some plans based on their answers!) you’ll create a significant Summer Upgrade this year!

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by Oliver DeMille

The Goal

next right thing Getting the simple things right can be really hard. But when you get them right, everything else thrives and flourishes—in almost every arena or endeavor.

That’s worth repeating. It can be difficult to get “the simple things” right.

This is true in relationships, nutrition, government, etc. And it’s definitely true in education. Or great parenting.

But however challenging it is, this is our goal. It’s the ideal:

To get the simple things right!

Parents who focus on this, even though most of us fall short over and over, usually see the best results. In contrast, isn’t it interesting that so many educational systems and programs that emphasize complex things end up mediocre?

Focus on the simple things. The things that really matter.

Specifically: Reading. Discussing. Learning. Thinking. Applying.

If your children learn how to learn—really, truly, deeply learn—you will have accomplished something great. If they also learn how to think—creatively, independently, deeply think—and effectively apply what they learn and think, you will have mastered education.

The Answer

think read 3 Think about those words: “You will have mastered education.” But nobody ever does this unless they focus on the simple things.

The opposite is also true. Show us a school where less than 90 percent of the students learn to passionately and consistently learn, think, and apply—and truly love learning and thinking so much that they keep doing these things long after they care about grades or assignments—and we’ll show you a failing school.

That’s a high bar, to be sure. But every home school can exceed it, simply by mastering the simple things.

  • Reading
  • Discussing
  • Learning
  • Thinking
  • Applying

The other skills (like writing, calculating, etc.) naturally follow in the course of doing these things well and consistently. But without these simple basics, great education seldom occurs.

Now for the fun part: How does a parent, any regular parent who wants to master learning and build a great home school, go about doing so? Most give up with the words “master” or “great.” What’s a parent to do?

Answer: Show Them.

It’s the oldest (and usually still the best) way of learning. Set the example. Just show them.

Remember: You, Not Them

F-YouNotThem-day When was the last time your kids saw you reading? For families who use TJEd, this is probably an easy answer.

When was the last time your kids saw you discussing what you’ve read? Again, if you use TJEd, they’ve probably watched you discuss what you read many times—often directly with them.

(By the way, if they don’t see you reading and discussing many times a week, that’s where you want to start. Very simple. Very powerful.)

Now it gets just a bit harder: When was the last time your kids saw you learning?

Think about it. How would they even know if you’re learning? Answer: you learn, and you tell them what you learned. And where you learned it, and what you were thinking about when the learning came to you. You share what you learn, day after day after day. There is no better method of teaching. None.

When was the last time your kids saw you thinking? They see you applying things you know all the time, but when did they last watch you struggle with important ideas and experience a “Eureka!” moment?

If that’s not something your kids see you doing a lot, they probably aren’t doing it either. Again, show them. #TJEdShelfie

These are the simple things. The short summary of this idea is “You, Not Them.” If you focus only on your kids’ education, you won’t show them what will give them a great education.

If you focus on your education—on truly reading, discussing, learning, thinking, and applying what you learn—you can show them how to find their own greatness. Along the way, you’ll find more of your greatness as well.

What books are you reading right now? Really thinking about, discussing, and learning from? Show your kids how you’re doing this. Week after week. Month after month. Year upon year.

As they watch you, they learn the most important educational lessons of all—what to do, and how to do it. There are no substitutes for these incredibly valuable (and simple to deliver) lessons.


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